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--01--
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
--02--
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
--03--
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
--04--
Q1: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Q2: Why won't rattlesnakes bite lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
--05--
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
--06--
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
--07--
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A1: Take your foot off his head.
--08--
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A2: No. Good!
--09--
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of sh*t?
A: The bucket.
--10--
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
--10b--
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
--11--
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ars*.
--12--
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand
--13--
Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.
--14--
Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery
--15--
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
--16--
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
--17--
Q: Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A: To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
--18--
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
--19--
Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: .....Shucks, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
--20--
Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
--21--
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
A: Nothing, there are some things that even a pig won't do.
--22--
Q: What's the difference between lawyers and potholes?
A1: People try to avoid hitting potholes!
A2: People do not run over the same pothole more than once.
--23--
Q: Why should dead lawyers be buried 16 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they're real nice people.
--24--
Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One is a disgusting, bottom feeding scavenger, and the other is just a fish.
--25--
Q: Why do lawyers carry their certification on their dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicapped parking. (They are morally handicapped)
--26--
Q: What are lawyers good for?
A: They make car salesmen look good!
--27--
Q: Why are there more lawyers in California than New Jersey?
A: New Jersey had first choice, and they took toxic waste.
--28--
Q: What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?
A: About 4 kilogrammes (including the urn)
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